


Jadzia ist the best and sexiest trivia host

by o0Anapher0o



Series: Deep Dish 9 and more [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Almost Everyone - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bonding, Deep Dish Nine, Everyone's there, Gen, No Beta, Quark's, trivia night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0Anapher0o/pseuds/o0Anapher0o
Summary: Quark’s latest scheme for the bar: a weekly trivia night hosted by Jadzia. How is anyone to resist?
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Keiko O'Brien/Miles O'Brien
Series: Deep Dish 9 and more [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801177
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29





	Jadzia ist the best and sexiest trivia host

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short fun little thing to take my mind off of things and introduce some characters from TNG and Voyager into this AU.  
> Turns out I miss pub quiz nights more than I thought. Hopefully it at least takes your mind off of things for a bit.  
> Contains a tiny spoiler for the last of the Three Musketeer novels The Vicomte of Bragelonne: Ten Years Later. Not quite two hundred years old yet, so I thought I’d warn you ;-)

Quark was humming happily while he mixed another Tamarian sunset. The bar was full to the brim, despite it being a Tuesday night and he could practically hear the money rolling in with every clinking of a glass. He truly was a genius. If the whole thing had really been Nog’s idea, who had told him about the trivia night the bar next to campus did and that apparently got so crowded one had to hog a table as soon as they opened, well, that was neither here nor there.

And really the credit for organizing it and finding someone competent to host went fully to him. That hadn’t been easy either, or cheap. But if the current number of patrons was any indication it would be well worth the investment.

Next week he would have to make sure Rom didn’t take the night off, though. He had three waiters on shift tonight, which was at least two pay checks too many in his opinion. After all what was the point in making a good nights revenue when you had to spend half of it on paying wages. If things continued like this he was quickly running out of family members working for free, what with Nog running off to Federation school and now Rom was getting funny ideas like ‘taking the night off’. Next thing he would ask to get paid for waiting tables and doing repairs.

“This should be fun.” Keiko said cheerfully breaking through the silence on the table. Julian was running late, being stuck in the lab, so it was just Miles and Garak with her, eyeing each other suspiciously, Miles openly so. Garak was much more subtle, but he did it just the same.

The tailor hummed noncommittally, sipping daintily on a glass of kanar. Keiko had actually never tried the drink despite being generally open about trying all kinds of food. She suspected however that Miles might go apoplectic if she should develop a taste for the Cardassian drink so she abstained just in case. But maybe spending some time with Garak would help him see beyond his own, well-earned bigotry towards Cardassians, and not just for Julian’s sake.

“I think it’s a really good idea.” she reiterated, inadvertently falling back into her best kindergarten teacher voice. “And I think I’ll really enjoy spending some time among adults.” She added with a smile towards Miles. To her surprise it was Garak who answered.

“It must be a lot watching over children all day and then continue to do so at home.” He remarked sympathetically.

“It is,” she agreed readily, “I enjoy my work and I love spending time with Molly, but some days I feel like I don’t talk to anyone above the age of ten.”

“You talk to me.” Miles said gruffly.

Keiko could only roll her eyes. “‘Hello darling, how’s your day been? Let’s see what’s on telly’ isn’t exactly a meaningful conversation, Miles.”

She knew instantly it had been the wrong thing to say. Miles sometimes had more of a sense of class, with all the resentment that included, than was necessary and he was particularly sensitive when it came to his communication skills. Of course he instantly bristled at her comment.

“You never said.” he pointed out.

Keiko suppressed a sigh. She wasn’t in the mood for a fight tonight. She had had a long day and they were in public, with friends. If Julian had been there she just knew he and Garak would at this point be exchanging that awkward _look_ people got when faced with a publically fighting couple. She really, really hated that look, especially coming from people who had only been together a couple of months. “Because it’s not a big issue.” she said, “It’s just how I feel sometimes. And I understand that when you get home from working all day, you’re tired, too, and you don’t want to talk. That’s alright.”

“No,” Miles looked really put out now, “you feel we don’t talk enough, so let’s talk.”

This time Keiko didn’t suppress a sigh. Sometimes she wasn’t sure if talking to Miles would actually help her feel like she spent time with adults.

“Miles, I really just want to have a bit of fun tonight. If we really need to talk about this, can we please do it tomorrow?”

She could see that Miles was about to say more, but thankfully Julian chose this moment to burst into the bar and drop to his seat, panting like he’d been running all the way here. Which he probably had, knowing how unorganized the med student could be sometimes. She liked Julian and she liked that he and Miles were friends, there were good for each other in ways they probably didn’t even realize, but she had definitely never before been so happy to see him.

“Sorry, sorry I’m late.” he said, dropping his messenger bag underneath the table and reaching for Garak’s hand to entwine their fingers. “I got held up in the lab, because one of the first years sneezed and contaminated half our samples and then I thought I’d read a bit on the bus and missed my stop and I think I have to go back to my apartment before this starts because I haven’t actually eaten since yesterday.”

“The quiz starts at eight and it’s already ten to.” Miles stated “You’ll never make it. Why don’t you just order something here?”

Julian gave him a withering look. “Miles, I have less than fifty Dollars to get me to the end of the month and I need six of them to buy a drink so Quark won’t kick me out. Do you have any idea what he charges for food?”

“Maybe we could all buy a plate of Nachos or something similar to share.” Keiko suggested. “It’s not real food, but it’ll keep you going until after when you can go and eat at home.”

Julian’s eyes widened hopefully. “You would… I mean, you really don’t have to, I can probably function another hour or two if I get a really sugary drink.” he offered.

“Julian, we need you fully conscious if we want to stand a chance tonight. And it’s not just for you. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve eaten junk food.”

That was, unfortunately, completely true. Keiko had become very conscientious about food when she had gotten pregnant and had remained so after Molly had been born. She felt it set a bad example if she ate food she didn’t want her daughter to eat. Not that Molly wasn’t allowed sweets, but they had pretty much banned all kinds of chips and deep fried stuff from their home and Miles wasn’t the only one who missed the occasional bowl of chips or popcorn while watching TV. He was just the one who moaned the loss loudly.

“I still have leftover bet’to stew from yesterday.” Garak offered. “I can give it to you when we go home. Since I know you don’t actually have any food in your apartment.”

Julian’s eyes sparkled. “You two are the best.” he pronounced happily.

Jadzia carefully tapped the microphone. They had done a sound check a few hours ago, but with Quark’s cheep, ramshackle equipment it was never sure if anything worked if you left it alone for five seconds. When the sound of her fingers echoed through the speakers she beamed.

“Welcome to trivia night, everyone.” she announced cheerfully. “I’m Jadzia your charming hostess. I’m guessing most of you have been to trivia nights before, but since this the inaugural night here at Quark’s I’ll explain the rules just in case:

“You’ve all gotten an answer sheet. Choose a team name and put in on the sheet. If you don’t have a name I won’t grade you, because despite my many incredible talents I’m not a psychic yet and I can’t identify your scent from the paper, at least not without a good lab to work in.

“We’ll play four rounds with ten questions each. Please put the answer you think is correct on the paper and number your answers. Ideally the answers will correlate with the questions. Every correct answer get’s you a point. I’ll collect the sheets after every round and grade them, and get them back to you after I announce the official answers. Team with the most points in the end wins. And you want to win, because there are absolutely fabulous prices for first and second place, donated by Quark himself.” She grinned widely at the murmur going through the pub. “I know, right?

“There will be no use of phones, okay? So all you Smartphone addicts try and manage for an hour or two. Anyone caught cheating will be disqualified and publically shamed. The only thing that’s acceptable is trying to bribe the host, but be aware I don’t accept sexual favors.

“This is a competition so no collaborations between teams. Limit your interactions with the other teams to outrageous flirting, please. And also keep your voices down. Anyone who announces an answer to the entire pub, whether you’re playing or not, has to pay Morn’s tab. And to everyone who isn’t familiar with Morn, he drink’s a lot. He’s also been here since yesterday.

“The most important rule of course is that your hostess is always right. It doesn’t matter what you, Google, Wikipedia or anyone else says the answer is; the only correct answer is what _I_ say it is.

“Right, I think that’s it, so let’s get this party started, alright?”

“I don’t know Jake, I’m not an engineer.” Ben defended himself against his son’s utterly disappointed face. Not for the first time tonight the thought crossed his mind that he could have spend the evening with a nice book on his couch rather than destroying his child’s faith in his fathers omniscience. But it had sounded like a nice idea to spend some time with Jake, even if he was fairly certain the only reason Jake had asked him to come was because he and Nog were minors and therefore not allowed in the bar after office hours. And to be fair it was much more fun than he had expected to see Jake and Nog bicker and Jadzia was clearly having a ball hosting the quiz. But really, was there anyone who knew what a self sealing stem bolt was used for, other than getting your tongue in a knot?

Nog clearly thought Rom might, given the way he impatiently tapped his arm. “Dad. Dad!”

“Huh?” Rom, who had been dreamily staring into space startled.

“Self-sealing stem bolts, Dad.” Nog repeated annoyed. Rom nodded eagerly. “Oh. Oh yes.” he said, apparently gearing up for an explanation when he got distracted again by Leeta as the pretty waitress came up to their table.

“Are you guys alright here, or can I get you anything?” she asked with a sweet smile and sent Rom into a stuttering stumble. Ben had to suppress a grin, while Nog rolled his eyes.

“We’re never going to win.” he declared gloomily.

“Just two more minutes.” Julian begged, scribbling eagerly onto the paper.

“Time’s up Julian.” Jadzia said grinning, holding out her hand for the paper. “Are you like this in exams, too?”

Julian finished the last answer hectically, and only stuck his tongue out when handed the sheet over. Jadzia eyed it critically. “You know, I still have to be able to read it. Doctors.” she shook her head

“How about I write next round, then you two can debate the right answer to the literary questions in peace and Miles and I can deal with the rest in the meantime.” Keiko suggested.

Julian’s shoulders slumped. “Sorry. I guess we got a little carried away.”

Miles patted his shoulder “You always do.” He told his friend patiently.

“You’ll be glad to hear that after the first round every team has managed to score points.” Jadzia announced. A round of sarcastic cheers. “Hey, give yourselves some credit. Currently we’ve got five teams with ten for ten: Beerbenders, We dream of electric sheep, Tinker, Tailor, Botanist, Spynerd, The Vulcan team, and, my personal favorite Jadzia’s Fanclub and Friends. I never said I wasn’t susceptible to flattery, did I? So if next week you want to come and call yourselves Jadzia is the best and sexiest trivia host that will certainly get you brownie points. And who knows what that’s good for if there’s a tie in the end.

Anyway, those are the ones in the lead at the moment, but everybody else is just a point or two behind, so you all still got a chance.”

“I really don’t understand how these questions are superior to the ones I would have asked.” Garak grumbled loud enough for Quark to hear, who was serving drinks to the table next to theirs.

“You wanted to ask who the founder of Cardassian realism was.” the bartender replied without turning his head. “Nobody would have been able to answer your questions and people don’t like to play if the feel like they can’t win. It frustrates them and frustrated people are bad for business.” 

“It’s hardly my fault that your clientele isn’t more cultured.” Garak sniffed.

Quark just shrugged. “Cultured people don’t go to a bar on a Tuesday to play silly games. I prefer the ones that do. At least they pay my bills. And might I remind you that you currently are part of my clientele.”

“Wait, you wanted to host the trivia night?” Miles asked incredulously.

“I had offered. Apparently my standards were too high, although I fail to see how questions about Cardassian literature are harder to answer than questions about Klingon Opera.”

“To be fair, your questions were pretty tough. “ Julian pointed out. “Even I could only answer fifteen and I actually know the kinds of things you’re into. I was test playing his set.” he explained.

Garak merely huffed, but there was a tiny smile hiding in the corners of his eyes.

“You could only answer fifteen out of forty?” Miles asked.

Julian blushed and shrugged. “They were difficult. He asked about history and food. And gardening. I don’t really know much about any of that.”

“You realise you literally work in a restaurant, right?” Miles teased.

“I work in a Pizza place,” Julian defended himself, “that doesn’t teach you about the ingredients of sambal oeleck. I don’t even know what that is.”

Keiko frowned. “A spice mix?” she sounded uncertain.

Garak sighed deeply.

“At least you would have done great with the gardening questions.” Miles defended his wife.

“Better than with ‘Who won the last season of Ninja Warrior?’ at any case.” she agreed.

“My sentiment exactly.” Garak agreed.

“Why do you know this stuff?” Kira asked, watching exasperatedly as Ezri wrote down a name without hesitation.

“It’s a bunch of hot muscled people flexing and getting wet. Jadzia watches it religiously.” the younger woman replied with a shrug as if that was all the reason anyone needed. Knowing Jadzia it probably was. 

“It is a noble competition of superior physical capability and endurance.” Worf stated solemnly, checking what Ezri had put down and nodding his approval. Kira stared at him as if he’d grown a second head, so he added, “I intend to participate next year.” 

Kira’s jaw actually physically dropped. She continued to stare open mouthed for a few moments. Then she shook her head. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised.” she muttered.

“…And of course Kim and Kanye’s firstborn is named North West. Most people knew that, but I do worry about any children of the Delta Flyers because they managed to come up with something even worse than that. I didn’t think that was even possible until just now.” Jadzia concluded reading out the answers for round two.

“With twenty for twenty in the lead are We dream of electric sheep, closely followed by Jadzia’s Fanclub and The Vulcans with nineteen and Tinker, Tailor are close on their heels with eighteen and a half. Everybody else is just behind that and there are still two more rounds to go. What I’m saying people is everything is still possible and round three is going to be a clincher.”

“Does anyone know who ‘electric sheep’ are?” Tom asked with a frown. “They’re wiping the floor with us.”

“Team ‘We dream of electric sheep’ appears to be the group sitting in the south-west corner.” Annika replied as evenly as ever. “And the reason we are nearly eight points behind them is obviously that our team severely lacks expertise in various areas such as contemporary music, literature and celebrity culture.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the pep talk.” he said sarcastically. Annika hadn’t exactly been a wealth of knowledge herself, with anything other than geography. They had really only taken her along because Harry was a bleeding heart and apparently the new girl didn’t have any friends. Not that that surprised Tom in the least. But he suspected Harry had an ulterior motive as well, and he owed it his best friend to help him get laid, even if it meant having to put up with her attitude all evening.

He turned around to the table Annika had indicated. There were five people sitting on it, two women and three men, heads bowed over their answers. The red headed woman was talking animatedly with the black guy with the thick glasses, who emphatically shook his head to whatever she had just said. The incredibly pale guy with black hair didn’t seem to pay any attention to them and calmly wrote something down and then pushed the paper over to the tall guy with the beard and the tiny woman whose tower of black curls was almost twice as big as the rest of her.

“At least we got a shout out.” Harry said optimistically. B’Elanna pierced him with a look she usually reserved for the coffee machine when it decided to break down again during rush hour. The poor guy wilted in his seat.

“And that’s about all we’ll get.” she stated coolly.

“I had no idea you were so competitive.” Tom teased.

“What’s the point in participating in a competition if you’re not trying to win?” she argued.

“Having fun?” Tom suggested. This time he was the one getting the look. Jeez B’Elanna could be terrifying sometimes. Other than Harry, however, Tom tended to find that side of her much more hot than intimidating, so he continued to smile flirtatiously at her. He was sure she was just about to break her glare when Annika decided to but in.

“That is indeed the goal of a competition. Winning, that is.”

B’Elanna tore her eyes from Tom, for which alone he might have held a grudge against the other woman, and turned to Annika with a genuinely surprised look. “Thank you!” she said, sounding disgustingly vindicated.

“Okay, I’ll admit it, this round was tricky and scores have gone down a bit this time.” Jadzia smiled impishly, “Even the electric sheep have reached their limits it seems. They’re still in the lead, but only with twenty eight, so you can see they’re not infallible. Jadzia’s Fanclub has twenty seven, Tinker Tailor twenty five and a half, and the Raktajino Rowdies have managed to take up fourth place with twenty five with an impressive ten point round. You guys need the pressure, eh?”

Enthusiastic howling from one of the back tables answered her.

“Then I have bad news for you, because for the last round I felt I should go a little more easy on you guys. After all I want you to go out here feeling good about yourselves so you come back next week. So this one should be a bit more doable.”

“Alright people, this can’t happen again. No more mistakes.” Will scowled playfully at his teammates.

Deanna swatted him lightly on the arm. “It isn’t like you knew which pope built the Sistine Chapel.” she pointed out.

“In hindsight it was a rather obvious answer.” Data admitted.

“It’s only obvious when you know what the answer is.” Geordie disagreed.

“And you Doctor,” Will turned to Beverly who was busy checking their answers for the last round. So far it was looking good. “I have to say, I’m disappointed in you.”  
She shrugged. “I’m sorry, Will, but I’m a doctor, not a vet. Jean-Luc is the one who knows about horses. Are you sure about this, Data?” she pointed to an answer.

“The Prime numbers under 100 are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89 and 97, so a total of 25.” he answered evenly. Beverly raised her eyebrows.

“Well, if you put it that way.”

“And that is why Data does the books.” Geordie said with a grin. Beverly nodded slowly.

“I think I’d like to borrow him sometime.” she said thoughtfully. “Kate and I could use someone who is good with numbers.”

“I would be happy to help you and Doctor Pulasky.” Data told her. “Although I cannot be borrowed. I do not belong to Monsieur Picard. Slavery was made illegal in the Federation in 1865.”

“If only that had been the history question last round.” Will said.

“Ha! I told you Iron Man was older.” Nog preened gleefully.

“You were a hundred percent guessing that.” Jake told him.

“Yes! But I was right.”

Jake rolled his eyes at his friend. His father patted his back. “Hey, we got the point. Sometimes it don’t matter how you get there.”

“I honestly didn’t think it would be so difficult, though.” he muttered. “And yeah, I know it’s not about winning, it’s about having a good time.” he added, before his father could start to lecture him. He knew he was right, but still. Winning would have been nice.

“You’re only mad, because you were wrong about the three Musketeers.” Nog said grinning.

“At least I red those books.” Jake snapped back, “And I really don’t remember D’Artagnan dying.” he added quietly.

“Uh, does anyone know the question about the uh, Australian Dollar coin?” Rom asked, just barely not chewing on the pen.

“I think it’s the Queen.” Ben replied. “Her head’s on all the Commonwealth coins, isn’t it? Jake shouldn’t you know that?”

“I want to go to New Zealand, not Australia. And I haven’t actually been there yet.” He pointed out. He still wasn’t sure he really wanted to go. It was very far away.

“I thought you’ve been doing research.” His father replied.

“Not on what the money looks like. But you’re probably right. Her face is on everything, right?”

“So, uh, I’ll write that down?” Rom asked, looking from one to the other.

“Just do it Dad.” Nog ordered.

“You all did really well, but of course there can only be one in the end. There are several teams that have done pretty amazing and only missed the prices by a few meager points: The Vulcans got 32, Raktajino Rowdies 33, Tinker Tailor with 35 and a half missed second place only by a hair’s width, half a point behind Jadzia’s Fanclub. Tonight’s winner, with an impressive 37 points are ‘We dream of electric sheep’!” A polite round of applause could be heard. Jadzia nodded satisfied. They had attracted not just a nice crowd but actually a crowd of nice people which was what she had hoped for. She wouldn’t have enjoyed hosting for a bunch of drunken douche bags, which was why she had pitched the trivia night to all her friends and everyone she knew. Most seemed to have had fun and would hopefully come back.

“Thank you all very much for playing. I hope you had half as much fun as I did and I’ll see you all back next week for the next chance to win. Have a good night.” she crowed, before turning off the mic for the last time that night.

“Huh, we actually did a lot better than I thought we would.” Kira shook her head when Quark ambled over to give them their price.

“Our areas of expertise seem to compliment each other.” Odo agreed no less surprised. He had really only come to keep an eye on Quark, and he was sure everyone else on the table, with the exception of Kes maybe, had only come to indulge Jadzia. After round two it had become obvious that they were working together surprisingly well, but none of them had expected to make second place. If he was perfectly honest, he hadn’t expected them to get along as well either. In the very least he had expected himself and Worf to clash as they tended to do, but the Klingon chef had been almost polite, which by his standards was practically affectionate. Of course he had also taken the challenge of the quiz very seriously and had proven knowledgeable on a variety of topics. At the moment he had excused himself to offer his congratulations to his former colleagues, who had beaten them by a mere point. And who would have expected that Kira and Kes would bond over Bajoran mediation techniques. It seemed Kes studied Vulcan meditation and was very interested in Kira’s explanation about how the two differed.

Ezri was the only one at the table who didn’t seem surprised about any of this at all. Instead she looked rather smug and accepted the dabo chips Quark handed her as their price with a wide grin.

“Well, we didn’t embarrass ourselves completely.” Jim noted, looking over their scores. In his opinion no one could begrudge three old men for not being up to date with the latest celebrity gossip even though he wouldn’t have minded if they hadn’t been quite as good at the history questions. Bones grinned next to him.

“I have to say I’m disappointed, Jim. Here I was thinking Spock knew everything.”

“A rather unlikely statement, Doctor, considering how often you comment on my ignorance.” the Vulcan replied evenly.

“Understanding.” McCoy corrected. “You don’t understand anything, but you usually pretend you know everything.”

The statement was met with nothing but a raised eyebrow.

“We should take Scotty and Chekov next time. We could use someone who knows Russian literature.” Jim suggested.

“We’re definitely getting a different team name that’s for sure.” Bones said decidedly. “I suggest ‘Two Guys and Half a Vulcan who complains about inaccurate team names’.”

“If we invite Mr Scott and Mr Chekov along that name would still be inaccurate.” Spock pointed out. McCoy just groaned w

**Author's Note:**

> Someone requested a round up of the teams:  
> We dream of electric sheep: Riker, Troi, Crusher, Geordi & Data  
> Jadzia’s Fanclub and Friends: Worf, Odo, Kira, Ezri & Kes  
> Tinker, Tailor, Botanist, Spynerd: Miles, Garak, Keiko & Julian  
> The Delta Flyers: Tom, B’Elanna, Harry & Seven  
> The (incorrectly named) Vulcan team: Kirk, Spock & Bones  
> The Teamname of Jake’s, Nog’s, Rom’s and Ben’s team isn’t mentioned, because I couldn’t come up with anything good (although I feel there is Dad joke in there somewhere).  
> All other teams are random bar patrons.


End file.
